School Bullying, Let’s Talk About It

stop-bullying-hand-375x250Talking about bullying is such a broad topic that can be connected to all forms. Social media bullying, school bullying, workplace bullying even bullying from home – it’s all bullying. No matter where it comes from, it falls under the same name: Bullying. No matter where it’s coming from they are equally as important as one another.

Unfortunately society is aware that bullying is a problematic situation and we still are yet to get it under wraps. We all have a story where we have been a victim of bullying, if you ask anyone there has been an experience that they can connect to bullying and it can often be a sensitive topic for them. Even those who seemed to be able to fly through school without being targeted, they may have been that target at home, and if not it has happened at the workplace for them – or even online, and in some cases for someone it can be ALL of those options.

I find it hard to talk about my experience because I have denied that I had a bullying experience for a long time, even when I moved schools I told people that I was doing fine at my prior school just because I didn’t want to become a target again, I didn’t want to not fit in. I was the severe target at school. If you picked on me, you were cool. My mum used to walk me to and from school because I couldn’t even get on the school bus, I removed all of my social media, I moved schools – you name it.

I was one of those kids that actually didn’t do anything to have this caused other than being a kid who wanted to be liked by the ‘popular’ kids and discovering that they were not the kinds of friends that you would want – that didn’t go down so well, this unfortunately followed me for my entire school life after that – from primary through to high school.

Bullying still existed back in the day but parents could in fact move their children to different schools if they were dealing with a bullying case and that may have solved the problem. The problem wouldn’t continue on through the cyber world. However, these days, social media is what connects people. If you move your child from A to B school, people from B school will have connections with people from A school and it will trail on from there. You can’t escape these circumstances anymore, you can’t switch off. These children are continually dealing with their harassment and torment at school and after school, 24/7.

In my situation, I moved from A school to B school, and it felt like a fresh start. It was incredible, no one knew me and the ‘popular’ kids seemed so kind. A new girl started at the school after me and I gained a friendship with her. Then guess what? She moved to the school that I had problems with, she asked people if they knew me because we were close friends – and all hell broke loose. She turned into my worst bully, funnily enough. I got harassed after school, even if I went grocery shopping with my family and I ran into people from A or B school they would harass my family and myself.

When I had prank calls, my mother would take my phone off of me and talk with them to tell them to stop contacting me and they would abuse my mother and call her all the names under the sun. They had absolutely no respect and no fear of my family.

This is where school authority kicks in and really grind my gears. On the news I see children committing suicide and the schools saying that they had “no idea” or they were “in movement of placing a stop on the situation”. Here is reality:

Reality example 1 (True story):
When I was going through school it became pretty bad and I decided to see the school counselor. What does the counselor do? Pull the kids I named out of class to come see her, while I was there, and told them everything that I had said and told them to say sorry. Really? Come on. Safe to say soon as we left the counselors office, matters became a whole lot worse for the next coming years. Fun times.

Reality example 2 (True story):
When I showed the school principal social media messages of my harassment, they said there was nothing that they could do about it because it is off school grounds. What the hell is wrong with the education system?

When they say it is off of the school grounds and they cannot do anything, we should not be taking this for a excuse. This is the education system not wanting to take ownership and take life by the balls and shake these kids into line. These generations of kids know no boundaries, no control, no respect for authority. It should matter, regardless if it is off school grounds or not – they are still all students of their school and they should address these problems while they are risen, because the amount of suicides that are happening to these young children is absolutely ridiculous. Children are taking their lives because they believe there is no silver lining, they believe the torment will never end and that the rest of their lives are unattainable.

It’s hilarious when schools say that they have a “No bullying” rule, yet they do shit all when a bullying circumstance arises – they have absolutely no clear steps on how to fix it, when really, if they cared more about their students happiness and wellbeing, this would not be as out of hand as it is in this day and age. It’s simple. If they at the very least enforced:

1. Not letting these large groups sit together in class
2. Not letting those groups hang around together on breaks – break. them. up.
3. Detentions – alllll the detentions
4. Serious disciplinary actions if continued (e.g. expel the student)

Also, rule out in sport where they let the students pick who they want on their teams, when those few students get left last, it is just deliberately alienating them from the rest of the class. Why is this even allowed?

For those kids struggling with severe bullying, why are school speeches still a thing? Do they not understand how hard it would be to stand up in front of their bullies – why do they push it?

There is no acknowledgment for children who are struggling especially when it is impacting their education, this is impacting the way that they learn, the way that they develop in such an impressionable age. Children are struggling to focus in classrooms because they are uncomfortable and in a negative environment, who’s fault is this? Who can control this situation – can parents? Can counseling? Will telling bystanders who also don’t want to get involved help? (Telling a child to step up and tell them to stop is not a solution) No, the damn school can control this and fix this.

When I graduated from school a couple years ago, that day was a day that I will never be able to forget. I felt such pride in myself, that no matter what I went through I did it – I finished the entire way (I wanted to drop out and boy did I try as well). I am so thankful that I persevered and I am so thankful that I wasn’t growing up in the generation that children are now which is where committing suicide is so hugely common, I probably would have had the wrong ideas in my head.

I am absolutely disgusted in how even after all those years that I experienced with no school assistance in my bullying or others, that this it is still even a problem. But it’s an even bigger problem now that the suicide rate is so large and still there is no involvement.

What are parents supposed to do? There is nothing that they can do, they trust that their children will be looked after for those 5 out of 7 days. Parents can only do so much. The best thing that schools can come up with is that parents need to supervise what their children do on social media. Social media is torment, but if their social media is removed (which I highly recommend, it really does support the “Out of sight, out of mind” quote) all you would need is the schools guidance and you would be a lot better off.

I truly am so sorry for those children that are struggling right now with bullying, I can only hope that you have the support that you need. For me, I found comfort at home – if you have any passions, follow them, let them surround your thoughts and get taken away into your passions and hobbies when you get home and on weekends. My mum was very much so involved in my day to day life, every step of the way. I found removing all forms of social media really assisted in my mental health, as I found myself waking up at ridiculous hours in the night/morning and investigating all my platforms to make sure that no one has posted or said anything mean about me. It was unhealthy, and it took a while to adjust once removing myself from it – but it helped tremendously.

The best advice that I can give you is that when you hit graduation day, your whole world is going to brighten up. You can kiss those assholes goodbye and move forward while they will spend years trying to impress each other, go out, trying to keep their circle together because they have absolutely nothing else going for them. You will blossom and they will still be doing the same ol’ shit.

P.S. Schools – Get your shit together, these kids AND parents need your help.

x

To Move Or To Not Move? (Correct Answer: You Should Move)

Good evening ladies and gents!

Get your wine, this is going to be saucy. This week in particular I have really thought about writing on this topic because I believe it is a really important situation to gather the right understanding on, not just for consideration but respect.

Now, what am I on about? Don’t laugh – but it’s public transport seats. I know, silly topic – but is it really? I am sure you and I both have a least once in our lifetime, given up our seat for someone to sit down. Take a moment and look back at how many times you haven’t, are you one of those people that will religiously give up your seat for another? Or are you one of those bastards that put their bag next to them so no one can sit down?

Can we take a moment and just curse at those bastards that put their bags deliberately next to them so that no one can sit down? Seriously, what is up with that. The train/bus/whatever is slowly becoming more and more busy, and they are aware of this and look out the window clueless like they have no bloody idea people are cursing them under their breaths. But hey, let’s give it up to those that will pull them out of their perfect bubble and tell them to move their bags so that they can sit. However, if you are anything like me and when it’s that early in the morning and you’re already not looking forward to dealing with assholes all day at work – you don’t want to start anything with anyone and just want to zombie along in the morning so you won’t say anything and just prefer to stand.

A whole other can of worms to open though, when there are no seats – I repeat – no seats, and a pregnant woman gets on the public transport or an elderly person/someone who has a pram/injury of some kind (e.g. walking support etc.) and no one will goddamn give up their seat for them. I have seen young kids to well knowing it’s wrong adults who will have eye contact with them and just ignore the fact they are being disrespectful and leaving them standing the whole way.

I can happily say even if I am not having a happy morning/afternoon, I will always give up my seat for others because some people you just do it for. You suck it up and wait until further seats are available, if you are healthy and kicking on strong – give up your damn seat.

No matter how many generations go by, respect will always be just as important as it ever has been. Now that people have discovered that everyone should be treated the same, they have forgotten the basics of respect. Just because you are a feminist, or a person who doesn’t believe in monogamy, a vegan, or just an asshole – doesn’t mean you are any better than your elders, a pregnant woman, or anyone else.

Take More Effort With Them – The Push You Need


Remember when they asked if you could watch that movie with them months ago, and it’s become that thing that gets brought up that you say you will do with them – but another day? 

I’ve noticed myself do that a lot, not just in my relationship but even with others around me. Sometimes it’s either not the time to do it, or you just push it back later for no real reason. 

A problem in relationships that I believe become a major downfall is when you:

A) Don’t listen to them properly with true meaning 

Or

B) Don’t take interest in what they are doing 

I believe getting involved with your partner, take interest in what they are doing and nature what their interests are. Whether that be by purchasing things to encourage them do what they love if it requires purchases, or even ask if they would like to show you how or why they do what they do and maybe show you what to do so you can get involved too. It strengthens your bond or may even create a bond that you haven’t experienced before. 

The longer you are with someone, the less you stop trying. People believe that they try, and don’t take that step back to see if they truly are trying – or to consider even trying harder. 

There is a reason why you are with that person, you have to take in consideration their interests and hobbies. They are a living human being too, they aren’t just your partner. They function the same way that you do. 

Maybe you can show them what you like to do, what inspires you and what makes you happy as well. You could turn it into a new routine, one day on a weekend you take charge on what you both do – whether it’s to do something that you like or show them something you really want to do and get them involved. Then the weekend after, you rotate and it is their turn. 

Remember, get involved. It’s not hard. It shows you care. 

Why Are We In Such A Rush?

We are all in a rush. A rush out the door to work, a rush to get the washing done before it rains, a rush to finish projects, a rush to fulfil our dreams or even a rush to find the love of our life. 

Take your time. Enjoy the moment. 

We all forget to take a step back, take that breath of air in and be happy – enjoy the journey before you reach the destination. 

“Those Stages”

We all find ourselves in “those stages”, what are those stages you may find yourself asking? The stages in a relationship where you:

A) Drop your old habits that you don’t, you know, do around others let alone this crazily perfect person you are struggling to wrap your mind around that actually exists! What? So I’m not going to die alone with 5,000 cats? Damn, there goes my Netflix and junk food binging while double chiming at my Instagram feed 

B) Cover up human things.. you know.. burping and scratching the inside of your nose, yes, I was just scratching.. 

C) Wait until the perfect time to open up about guilty pleasures, when is the perfect time to say you went through a stage where all you would listen to was Michael Bublè carols from Halloween until Christmas, and you low key want to do it again???

You get the point. Those stages are the most fun, silly yet awkward times of a relationship yet they are also the best. 

The best times are when one of your guilty pleasures, like a song that you only find by chance and ‘one offs’ like if you are at a shopping centre and they play it over the store speakers and you both look at each other and start singing to it. Those are incredible. 

It’s all a process of opening up, trusting that other person and growing together. It’s beautiful, it’s fun and it’s an experience and a half. 

Life is so fantastic, especially when you meet those special characters along the way. 

Toxic Vampires

Sometimes there comes a point in life where you need to let go of toxic vampires. What are toxic vampires? People that suck every single last drop of happiness that you have. People that will throw every single problem they have in their day at you, with every intention that you will stop what you are doing in your day to listen to them and pick them back up.

There is nothing wrong with needing someone to listen to your worries and there is nothing wrong with being there to listen to others worried – but there is a very clear line where it becomes overwhelming.

Not just for the party who listens, but for the toxic vampire too. You become their source that they rely highly on, and they forget that you need to grow in life as well.

It’s not a situation where you “don’t realize” it at the time, you know the situation is not healthy. You know you mentally are in a unhealthy pocket. It’s finding the balls to be able to turn them away and trust yourself – follow your sunshine.

In life there will always be pockets of trouble, and you are going to need to support yourself and those around you. How can you help those around you, when you aren’t even helping yourself? You can’t be someones crutch. You need to be stable yourself, and be a helping hand. Not their stability. As selfish as it sounds, it is the real life truth.

Don’t expect them to understand, because chances are you will become their source of frustration and sadness – they will find others to replace your position and you will be the source of bad news for a while. But in the end, you will thank yourself for being strong enough. Guarantee it.

Life is too short, surround yourself with those who want to see you do well and succeed, those who want to help you grow with a smile on your face.

That, That’s It

I know it is. I know that is it. Them. 

We all know these feelings too well. You know that moment of complete understanding? It feels as though everything you have been so unsure about that you have been doing, thinking, feeling or saying – seems to all piece together in a matter of seconds. 

That is what we all need to have more trust in. I know someone that is absolutely certain on one certain person, someone they have only spoke with a couple of times – acquaintances, but without fail every single day he will align his evening to place the opportunity to run into them again. I love that so much. 

I love when we have such desire for making things be a potential opportunity that we strategise our time wisely enough to see if it will happen. Aligning your time and choices to see if they will be there. Even if they aren’t there, we continue to do it – just in case. 

When I met my partner – there was no doubt in my mind of their serious involvement in my life. It hit me like a train. I just looked at them in the eyes, and I instantly felt a wave of importance. I don’t know what it was, I don’t know what came over me – but I couldn’t control it. I moved every single thing out of the way to make room for my partner because there wasn’t a single thing I could have in my way to make it not work. It wasn’t even a possiblilty that I wouldn’t pursue the opportunity, I couldn’t be more happier for it.

That feeling of absolute certainty for something or someone – there is hands down no greater feeling than it. When you know, you just know

More Than Meets The Eye

You can tell a lot about a person by their eyes, this is something that I have always believed in. When someone is looking at you in the eyes, their brains are processing their own individual thoughts and feelings. Someone can be lying while looking at you right in the eyes, someone could be opening up about their darkest thoughts while trying to maintain a smaller fraction of eye contact to hold off on their vulnerability.

Something that I have just noticed that has actually become a huge importance for me these days is a person that you can actually see how they feel through their eyes. When someone is so real, honest and transparent. Whether it be good or bad, you can see how genuine they are just by their glance.

There is no greater feeling than when you look at someone and they are looking at you with so much feeling – so much love and purity behind their eyes that you cannot help but replicate the same straight back. It really is a beautiful thing to have, and it is so important.

People have forgotten the importance of transparency. When you put up that large of a brick wall that someone cannot read you after knowing you for such a large amount of time, and still can’t tell what you are portraying or how you are feeling – there is a problem. If you believe you should have a bond with a person, but there is still that sense of uncertainty, where you can’t read them inside and out – that would be something worth thinking about.

There is so much you can tell by looking at a person, the more you notice it, the greater it is to live by.

Take Note Of The Little Things

Hey guys,

Taking note on the little things is so important. You can get so wrapped up in the larger scale of things that you don’t even realize what you are missing out on every single day.

When your mind is set on a path of “Why isn’t this happening? Why aren’t I going anywhere?” You need to remember that every single thing you are doing will take time.

If it’s worth doing, you need to let life take its course before you get frustrated with yourself. You are in control, but life also needs to catch up.

Appreciate the little things people do for you, whether that be asking how you are going or even just giving you a smile throughout your day.

I for one have gotten very lucky in a reasonable amount of weeks after a hard yarn of troubles, and I still am thankful – so very thankful. But it has made me realise how great it feels to actually appreciate things in a positive light, rather than looking at the negatives of everything and anything. When you cancel out the negativity, you can definitely notice an absence – it’s like a another person in your mind, a being, it has its own entity over you. But once you gradually stop listening, it’s a whole new place to be.

Jess ☕️

You Are Your Own Best Friend

Hey guys,

This evening I felt like writing some of that self loving goodness. You know that quote that goes “You are your own best friend”? Well, guess what – you actually are. Now I know some of us are like “Ah damn, I would hate my own company.” Why would you? What’s so great about anyone else? What do they give you that you can’t give yourself?

You are funny. You are beautiful. You are witty, creative, energetic, forceful, powerful and absolutely incredible. You are you. There is absolutely no one in this whole world that is exactly like you. No one in this world has your you. You’re quirky, sometimes you do things even you have a giggle at sometimes. You’re so silly, but you’re you. Embrace it.

When you do something that makes you cringe and go “Uhhh, I shouldn’t have done that…” Instead of getting angry at yourself, laugh at yourself. Think to yourself – that was dumb. But oh well. Sometimes you need to give yourself a break, you know? You wouldn’t hold it against anyone else – stop holding things against you. Be forgiving, be lenient.

Remember the days you would soothe yourself and tell yourself things will be okay? That things will get better, it’s just a rough patch? Why did you stop?

Never stop. Give yourself that mental hug and soft push forward. You’re there for everyone else – it’s time to start being there for you.

Motivate yourself every day. Every day is a start for new beginnings.

Just because today is a bad day, that does not mean that tomorrow won’t be the best day of your entire life.

Start taking care of your mental and physical self. It’s never too late, or too early.

This is your universal sign if you were looking for one.

Jess ☕