Good evening all!
So, this is usually a touchy subject for many but I thought it would be a good thing to discuss and share my view on the topic. Now, I’m not a mother (yet) so this is a completely outsider perspective.
I have been raised with a working mother who was going through a divorce while raising my two brothers and I all at the same time. After meeting my step dad, she was working for a few years and then decided to become a stay at home mother while I was going through high school because my mother believed it was in the best intentions for my brothers and I.
The reason why it was in the best intentions is because the work my mother was doing (with my step dad – it was a successful wedding photography business established by my mother) required her to be out late nights depending on the wedding throughout the week, or on weekends. Sometimes they would be so far away, if an emergency happened they would be in dangerous territories of not being able to come. As my brothers and I were teenagers, we had the house to ourselves. They would make it a fun situation where they would buy delicious food for us and make it seem a lot less stressful with cooking and what not, and that was great. Although, after a while it became quite lonely. I was going through a rough time with groups of people at high school around this time, and I didn’t realize how much I actually did need my mother to talk to.
When my mother decided to resign from her business, my step dad kept it alive and continued on. However, having her home was a massive difference. After this, I had incredibly hard times at school and my mother was always around. In the times I couldn’t even get the school bus because I was fearful of the groups of people on there, she would walk me to school. My mother was there on times where social media bullying was happening, and she assisted me with removing myself from those situations. On weekends, I could be with her and she was so involved in my life that I didn’t feel alone. My mother had been the best friend that I needed at those times, she was always available no questions asked.
Now, in regards to this day and age. I find it incredibly difficult to understand how one income families can succeed in regards to being able to afford to pay off a mortgage on a house, bills, groceries, etc. comfortably. The cost of living isn’t as hard as it was in past generations. These days two income families are more common, because they need to be able to afford comfortable living. It’s sad to see because that makes it harder for the mothers that do want to stay with their children, without feeling that pressure of money on their shoulders.
Some mothers however prefer working, and that is completely okay. When I become a mother, I know that I will be one of those women that will be working. Not because I know it will be hard to afford living, but because I want to. When children go into child care, the rest of the day becomes involved with either cleaning up or doing other household tasks – in my relationship it is equal in regards to household tasks, so I don’t need to worry about that because it is equal. I would want the rest of my day to help bring in income, and figure the rest out. That’s just how I am though, I find it incredibly rewarding getting a pay check at the end of the day. I like to know I am another strong part of the foundation within my family structure.
It also would be incredibly difficult to get back into the work force after having years away from it, because these days it doesn’t come down to what qualifications you have – it is work experience and who you know. It’s a hard waiting pool and I can imagine it would be unimaginably stressful to get back on the horse.
Both mothers are equally as important, it comes down to how the woman feels and what feels right as a mother. I couldn’t be more grateful for my mother and the sacrifices she gave to be there for my brothers and I, and it couldn’t have been more needed from my end. I value those times so much. It would have been so hard for my mother to do, but she did it because her gut was absolutely right.
At the same time, I don’t like the stigma that working mothers are evil or neglectful because like I said earlier, it comes down to the mother. This day and age, there isn’t much choice with how the cost of living is so outrageous. Yet, even if it is what they want to do, which will be what I know that I will be doing – it isn’t the worst thing that they could ever do. You can be a working mother and still be an incredible mother, you don’t see working fathers getting the finger pointed at them saying they are the worst father in the world because they are working and neglecting their children. Interesting concept, right?
Some things just work for families – some things don’t. Not every shoe is going to fit.
That being said – this whole post stands for stay at home fathers or working fathers. I’m not assuming naturally that it’s the mothers duty, it’s just that there is such controversy over mothers and it isn’t right. There is a story behind closed doors to every family.