This is a topic that I believe both sides have a very strong standpoint, however, the person on the alternative end who has their ex as a friend probably has beneficial thoughts out of the friendship.
Personally, I do not believe that it is fair for you to be connected to people that you have had a romantic connection with from your past. Why? Because it is out of respect. If you truly respect your current relationship, you will give it every chance that is has to reach it’s full potential. If you continually have that dwindling person from your past in the back of your mind, you are unable to grow or advance in your new relationship – you will be in a standstill. You are not letting go.
It isn’t healthy to hold onto connections that have out grown themselves. If your relationship didn’t work out prior – let go of them. There is a reason that they are not fulfilling your needs or that you are not fulfilling their needs – there is an outstanding reason to let go of that connection.
If you hold onto that person out of a friendship sense, there will be the lingering potential for infidelity as sexual connection possibly still remains. Even if you don’t connect on a mental compatibility sense, you probably still have that sexual compatibility that drove you to wanting to trial a relationship. I mean, why would you be friends with them if you aren’t connecting on a mental compatibility sense? You cannot say that there is nothing there, there is still those aspects of their personality that tickled your fancy. You don’t go experimenting with relationships because you think that they have a nice personality yet don’t find them attractive in the slightest – that doesn’t happen, that is common sense. Put the pieces of the puzzle together.
You can’t use the excuse that you don’t find them attractive.
You can’t use the excuse that you would never in a million years “go back there”.
You can’t use the excuse that you can’t lose them because of such a good friendship you both have – if it is that great, don’t get into a new relationship. Enjoy that friendship. Wait for that friendship to burn out. You cannot drag a new relationship into your weird desired triangle.
I find it selfish to remain connected to your past while having a new partner come into your life. Are you expecting them to slip themselves into the picture? Are you expecting them to adapt to the situation? The people that ask this of their new relationships, most likely:
1. Still have photos of their exes lying around their social media/living area.
2. Still have personal phone calls, persistent texts/e-mails.
3. Still go on catch up dates.
It is all kinds of wrong. If that chapter of your life is over, write the ending and move onto the next chapter. You can’t have both characters and bring in a new one, expecting the story to develop into a happy ending.
When people say it’s a strictly “platonic” friendship as well, psssht. Come off it, man. Don’t play around with peoples emotions. Don’t drag people along your roller coaster of what role you want people to have in your life. It’s just cruel, and it’s disrespectful.
Should your partner have a problem with anyone in your life and actually sit down with you and talk to you maturely about why they are uncomfortable with it – if you actually genuinely cared for your partner, you would respect their wishes and remove anyone who they have a problem with from your social circle.
It isn’t that big of a deal, if you choose to be with that person in a relationship there should be a damn good reason why you are with them and no one would be able to compare to them. No connection would be stronger than the connection between you and your partner – right? That is why you are with them, isn’t it?
I understand that some people believe that when you are in a relationship, you should be able to be an open social butterfly. You know, flutter your wings to the world, be best friends with your exes and just be this happy, friendly open person. But honestly, that is such bullshit.
If kids aren’t involved in your past with your past partners – drop those bastards, move on and find someone worthy of your time. Save that fake friendship bullshit for another lifetime. There is absolutely no reason why you need to remain connected to failed past relationships unless you have ulterior motives.
That being said, I’m not saying you cannot have any friends while being in a relationship. I am purely talking about being friends with your exes. My partner and I have never disrespected each other by being connected to our past relationships. I believe it is entirely possible to be friends with numerous people while being in a relationship, my partner and I have a lot of dinner dates with good friends and it is a whole load of fun. I just don’t believe that it is respectful to be connected to past relationships while trying to be in a new relationship – especially if your partner is uncomfortable, I don’t understand how people out there can be like that or do that to someone that they supposedly care for. It’s just wrong!
That’s just my thoughts. My rant is over now, haha!
Speak soon all,