Good afternoon everyone,
Within the last two weeks I have truly been through an entire shake up. Nothing bad happened, I didn’t do anything to cause this, but it’s like I have been slapped in the face and I can truly see what value is and that quality is over quantity. This is through every aspect of myself.
Sometimes, the littlest things will happen and that can shake up your entire way. I came back from a trip to my partners parents, and I just was looking out the window thinking about a YouTube video I watched that showed me everything I know about applying makeup was wrong (e.g. contouring, highlighting – whatever) – and this has sparked my entire life change.
I know this sounds stupid, but for me, my identity has always been through my expression of makeup, hair and my clothes. I plan my entire outfit a day in advance, I always think about what makeup I will do the next day and how I want my hair to be. This isn’t what makes me happy though, this is because I don’t want people to spot a flaw about me. I don’t want to make myself a target.
I used to get up two hours before I had to leave the house to allow myself time to be what I believe perfection, and if I fuck something up within those two hours my mood instantly drops and that will change my entire day.
The thing is, this is just to go to work. I don’t work in a customer facing role, it’s entirely office work and the matter of fact is that it doesn’t matter. I would rather have those two hours of sleep, so my quality of work is better. The job I do is what matters, that’s what pays the bills. Not for how my appearance is.
For the last couple days now, I have only been applying minimal BB cream, pressed powder and mascara with tinted lip balm. It’s amazing because my skin looks less irritated now with no longer the use of layers of a mask, and I feel so damn great. My skin is so soft and happy. When I look at myself in the mirror, I literally look different to myself, when really that is just how I naturally look. It’s astounding to me how many walls I have built up from my true appearance.
I stripped my hair from all of it’s crazy colours. I want my natural hair colour back. I am naturally blonde. I haven’t seen my natural hair colour since I was 16 years old. I want to see what my natural blonde is now, it’s probably darkened over time however isn’t it strange that I don’t even know what my natural hair colour looks like now? I literally have no idea. I don’t like that I don’t know this anymore. I’ve given my hair a trim so it can grow back healthy and happy, I can’t wait to see the progress.
I really did not realize what I have been doing to myself. I have been in a spiral where I have never been happy with how I naturally am, I used to try and be this version of myself that I believed everyone would be happy with. I would change my entire look to match my environment, I was like a chameleon to please those around me.
That stops now. I’m not allowing myself to put myself down anymore, I’m tearing down all of these masks that I have surrounded myself with to be the “perfect” me. That isn’t a life that I want to live, I want to live myself as the entire version of me. Who I am, how I am, and enhance this.
I would like to share this with you all so that you can have a look at if you are doing anything similar. If you are putting up this wall between who you are internally, and masking something different – it isn’t worth it.
There is nothing more important than loving yourself internally and externally. When you start from the inside and work to your way on the outside, you will see an entire new view on your life.
My plan is to work from the bottom to get to the top, rather than sugarcoating the steps and skipping the base where it truly matters.
There are more important things to worry about in this world than your appearance. There are so many things you could be doing instead. Your face is literally just a face, your hair is just your hair. It really does not matter. If someone cares how you match your shirt with your pants, they need to reconsider their priorities in life. It has nothing to do with you.
This all probably sounds really silly to write, however it matters to me. I want to note this now, so I can look back on this and see my growth.
I will be continuing the rest in a part two, which is where I will be writing about my plans for DaySixtyFive and other new changes that will be coming on my journey.
Speak soon all,