Last night my partner and I were talking about how we have grown to feel a little bit homesick. It inspired me to write a blog post about the feeling and I hope to assist you if you feel the same at the moment.
When we were living in our little apartment in the city – we had short walk from the corner store if we needed milk, our favourite Indian restaurant, across the road was our bus stop that we knew the exact routes for each bus number, some days I had the opportunity to visit my partner at his work for lunch time, we had our park just up the road where we could feed the ducks and geese, and to be quite honest – we were comfortable. We had our routine. My family was just over an hour away on the train, I used to see my mother on Fridays for girl talks and delicious food – we even watched a few movies some days! (When we didn’t get so caught up into our chats). I grew up there, I was familiar with all of the locations and it was the best feeling.
The best way to describe it was when my partner and I went to a shopping centre for the first time in a location out of city we had never been before, it was so large it made us feel overwhelmed because we couldn’t find anything – the route home was the best feeling and when we came into our apartment it was like a breath of fresh air. Our apartment was tiny but it was home.
I remember the first night my partner and I spent here we were in different rooms and I could barely hear him as he was talking, he felt so far away it was weird! I was so used to him talking loud as day in the room next to me yet only actually being like 3 steps away. It’s weird to be in such open spaces, the house feels huge to me.
My partner was saying that the house felt more like ours on our first few nights than it does now, which is such an interesting way to think of it because I completely agree. We love this house, it is fantastic, but we just need to find the right “nook” where it feels like home. Where you walk through the front door and get that sigh of relief, that feeling wash over you where you can relax now. Where it feels like your space.
Moving states should be understood as though you are moving countries. It’s incredibly hard, it really is. It’s hard adapting, it’s hard finding routine, it’s hard to feel comfortable in your own space. It’s incredibly exhausting, we still haven’t been able to unwind and relax. It’s been rough. We are trying to find our feet in entirely new land – we don’t know anything, anywhere or anyone. We can’t leave the house without Google Maps open – it’s the weirdest feeling. Getting off at a stop too early, getting on public transport the wrong way, not knowing where you are walking – it is exhausting.
When you feel homesick – you have to remember you are romancing your memories. You tend to only look at the positive memories, the best times and the greener grass. Which is entirely fine, it’s only normal. You make it harder for yourself to settle.
I find myself looking at a screenshot I took of my family when we were FaceTiming on my birthday more than once everyday – I miss them so much, it’s hard for me to think about because I get a bit upset about it. I can’t wait to hug them soon when I see them next, I miss them a lot. I can’t help to think that I am missing out on their lives, a huge chunk of my life is going to be spent without them while they are all together being apart of each other’s lives and that makes me really sad to think about. I want to be there and not miss out on watching them go through life experiences and be a part of their memories. When I create my own family, they won’t get to see them much either, and that is going to suck.
I don’t know how travellers do it, I don’t understand how people can live out of a bag and go along their merry way and have no grounding and no home to come back to in the end. It would be the most nerve wracking experience and lonely feeling. You would feel so unattached to stability. I mean, that’s probably why they do it, they probably want to have that experience. But when I didn’t have a home to come back to at the end of everyday and was staying in AirBNB I felt so unsafe and nothing was mine when I looked around the room, the sheets and pillows weren’t mine, nothing was home – it was horrible.
I like looking around and seeing my possessions and my memories surrounding me, I love that right now I have my mums blanket wrapped around my partner and I to keep us warm and that I have my IKEA mug brewing next to me with my Lord Of The Rings books.
It’s not a matter of being materialistic, it’s a matter of sentimentality and the feeling of being home.
Home isn’t just anywhere – you need to gain routine and habit, build memories and learn what’s accessible around you. It’s about finding that short walk to the corner store when you need milk, it’s finding that cheap fast food restaurant that you can walk to and grab cheeky take away when you can’t be bothered to cook on a Friday, it’s about saving that spare crust from your bread loaf and feeding the ducks at the pond up the road. Find the happiness in your journey.