So today I thought I would talk about a topic that I feel as a hopeless romantic I need to. I have such a strong belief over “the one”, I have grown up dreaming of my soul mate. My one true love. I literally have. I remember my birth father would be in the car and tell my brothers and I to look out the window and stare at the brightest star we could find and say:
“Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight,
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have this wish I wish tonight.”
Safe to say, I would always wish for love. I won’t tell you what – even though my wish has come true – but I want it to stay that way!
I have always had an overwhelming desire to be with one person, one person only. That one person to celebrate the world with, to find the most beautiful views and climb the highest of mountains (Ok, not the highest) but theoretically speaking – conquer the world with. I know conquering the world is an unrealistic expectation, but if I had that one person I could deep down feel like we both achieved our wildest of dreams and enjoyed our life together to the absolute fullest – well, I would be the happiest woman in the world. To me, the little things matter as well. One person to come home to, one person to talk to absolutely everything and anything about – the dark and the light. One person to hear “I love you” from, one hand to hold, the feeling of their arms around me – but where it is so familiar that it is that one person so I can learn it, feel it, and wrap my heart around.
Since the last few years, a situation has become the norm, which is open relationships. If you don’t know what open relationships are – think of the opposite of monogamy. Here is a brief description from Wikipedia:
“An open relationship is an interpersonal relationship in which the parties want to be together but agree to a form of non-monogamous relationship.
This means that they agree that other people relating in a romantic or intimate way with their partner is accepted, permitted, or tolerated. Generally, an open relationship is when the parties involved have two or more romantic or sexual relationships occurring at the same time either as a short-term relationship, such as dating, or a long-term relationship, such as marriage. The concept of an open relationship has been recognized since the 1970s.
To a large degree, open relationships are a generalization of the concept of a relationship beyond monogamous relationships. A form of open relationship is the open marriage, in which the participants in a marriage have an open relationship.
There are several different styles of open relationships. Some examples include:
- Multi-partner relationships, between three or more partners where a sexual relationship does not occur between all of the parties involved.
- Hybrid relationships, when one partner is non monogamous and the other is monogamous.
- Swinging, in which singles or partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity.
The term open relationship is sometimes used interchangeably with the closely related term polyamory, but the two concepts are not identical. The main unifying element to open relationship styles is non-exclusivity of romantic or sexual relationships.”
Now, to me, I find this really unsettling. I know that not everyone has the same ideals or has the same way of thinking – but what grinds my gears is when they look down on monogamous relationships (traditional relationships) and say that we are created that way, that we are naturally born to be intimate and sexually active with all kinds of people. Not just the one.
I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t like to get a message from my partner telling me they are going to be on a date and to not wait up for them. Or, come home to another woman in my home – on my couch, naked in my bed, touching my things or you know, touching my partner.
When I commit – I fucking commit. So should you. If you are going to be in a relationship with someone, then decide you can’t keep to yourself and need to wander off – but don’t want to lose what you have, LEAVE THEM ALONE. Don’t drag along that poor human being who probably loves the fuck out of you if they are strong enough to stay while you do you. It’s selfish as hell.
If you can be intimate with another being while you are already in a relationship, you clearly don’t give a fuck enough about the person that you are in a relationship with. You are not in love. You are lusting, bored of lusting that person – now you’ll go find another one to lust over. You are the kind of person that should not be in a “committed” relationship, be single, have your fun, settle when you find that one person. Guaranteed, when you find that one person and if they told you they wanted to be in an open relationship, you would be gutted. You may not see that now, but it is true.
I have watched a lot of videos about open relationships, purely because I do not understand it – there is always one person in the original relationship, most likely the one who brought up the idea, who is incredibly unhappy. Funnily enough, the one who comes up with the idea is the unhappiest because the other party in the relationship probably thought “well fuck this” and gave them what they originally asked for. I have seen videos where open relationships are brought into marriage – and it is just devastating. It really is just cruel. To bring kids into that kind of environment, oh man. Don’t even get me started.
It’s just a safe way to be unfaithful and not get the blame for it. The easiest resolution for this? Just be single. You can’t have the best of both worlds, you aren’t that special. Please don’t put a shit term on love, because that is not love.
Just some food for thought.