Letting Down Your Walls

Hey everyone,

I hope you all are having a great day so far. I currently am sitting at my desk with my 4 week old newborn in a baby carrier on my chest and I have just been thinking about my journey with her. Something that I didn’t expect with the journey of becoming a mother was the way that my relationship with my husband would change.

With my relationship with my husband, I have always been quite private in regards to simple things like going to the bathroom with the door shut (we’ve never been one of those couples that have conversations while doing your business in the same room as they floss or just hang out – if you know what I mean). I just liked to keep myself ‘lady like’, as that is something that is just in my personality as a woman. There’s nothing wrong with not doing that, it’s just me.

When I had my c section surgery..

I was basically useless and entirely bed ridden for the first and second day afterwards. My husband stepped up to the plate and then some. I had to let down my pride and set my mind aside to allow him to help me.

I’m incredibly independent in the sense that I like to do things by myself but I couldn’t. My husband showered me when I could barely stand, he helped change my pads for me (ick), he dressed me, he helped me walk to and from the bed, he had to sit with me while I tried to pee (I was incredibly numb) – but before that he had to see people changing my bags of pee from having a catheter (ew), he had to see my nipples bleeding/cracking/scabbing from my attempted breastfeeding disaster, he even fed me and held my water bottle for me so I could drink. He did absolutely everything for me.

He saw me at my absolute worst where I would just snap and cry from exhaustion and pain. He offered me nothing but unconditional love, all of his help and a warm shoulder to lean on..

He did all of this for me while being a new father and looking after our baby where I couldn’t. All I could do was be given her to feed and cuddle, I couldn’t do anything else for her at the time. I have prior experience with changing diapers, holding babies and doing all kinds of things for them whilst he had zero. He was new to absolutely everything and he never faltered.

It’s been 4 weeks since this and I still am not over it..

I still am in awe of how much he stepped up. I’m so closed off to allowing these types of things normally, but I was so in the need to be cared for and I couldn’t have asked for a better husband throughout that time.

It really showed me how great it is to let down your walls and let those who love you in..

After going through this experience, I feel like it genuinely brought my husband and I closer. I truly believe it showed me a whole new side to my husband that I have never seen before.

In saying this though, as I have gotten healthier and back on my feet I have gone back to closing the bathroom door when I need to do my business! That is something that I don’t think I will ever stop doing. When I am on deaths door and needing care again, perhaps, but for now I don’t think so.

I just keep thinking about how nice it was when I let down all of what I built up down for my moment of need and seeing how close it brought my husband and I. I hate people doing things for me it isn’t in my nature, but it was bloody lovely seeing how gentle and caring people are when you give them the chance.

Speak soon.

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My name is Jessica. I'm a twenty something year old woman with a beautiful husband, a crazy cat and a bub. You can find me on Instagram/Twitter @daysixtyfive.

3 thoughts on “Letting Down Your Walls

  1. Amazing. My bf and I are somewhat similar. While we will brush and floss with each other in the room, we still prefer to be alone. And toilet time is definitely a solo session! However, it sounds like you have this amazing support system and I’m so glad to hear that your worst experience came with the best of angels standing by your side. This was truly touching. I cringe at the thought should I ever need my bf to that extent, so I understand your position! It will definitely be difficult for me to let my walls down, so congratulations to you. That’s a very difficult thing… and I am in awe. ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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